So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
