Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
