wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
