I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
