How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
