Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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