why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Houston, we have a squirter
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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