One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
