im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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