He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
