I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
