i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
