He passed out mid-signature
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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