He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
