I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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