1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We have so much sex to catch up on
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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