I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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