I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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