I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
