You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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