I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
