i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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