the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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