apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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