i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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