Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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