everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
