Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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