areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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