she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Apparently you make a good broom.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
