dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i drank out of a bidet.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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