OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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