You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The uberlube is also flammable
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
