Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
