apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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