If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
