just come out here and I will go home with you...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
