I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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