What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
