I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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