Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You're like the curious george of whores
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
