I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
