Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
