I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize