She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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