once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is Oprah even human
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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