i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
