i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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