You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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