i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
