omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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