You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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