My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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