isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
