i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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