My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize