if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
