i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
