i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
