just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
