i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The uberlube is also flammable
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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