I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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