it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
