i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
