One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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