Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
