Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
