yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
