Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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