my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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