Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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