Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
