dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
