I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Randomize
