i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
