youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
