I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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