Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
