Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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