i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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