mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
