I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
