I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
