Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
