first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
