Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
