Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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