just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
