you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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