I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
