you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
