She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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