i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
