he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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