right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
