DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize