are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
