the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
