i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
