Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
